iSomething…

Kickass Canada Girl now has an iPad – to go with her iPhone and her iPod. I had intended to suggest that this made her into a fully fledged ‘iGirl’, but I discover that this soubriquet has already been appropriated for an iPhone ‘app’ of dubious merit. I will leave the exact nature of the ‘app’ to your imagination, but the fact that the original tagline seems to have been “She obeys!” clearly renders it inappropriate for Kickass Canada Girl. Maybe she’s just ‘TechnoGirl’ instead…

The iPad was a combined Valentine’s Day/going away present for the Girl. My motives are not, however, entirely altruistic since its chief purpose is to enable us to stay in touch using Skype. The time difference between the UK and Victoria is eight hours, which means that during the working day opportunities to talk will be limited. The iPad is a great deal more versatile than a conventional laptop since it can be carried easily to appointments and meetings wherever they may be.

That said, purchase of the aforementioned device did demand some not inconsiderable sacrifice on my part. Needing – for a variety of reasons – to complete the purchase in a hurry I was compelled to visit the Apple store in the Westfield London shopping mall. This accretion of retail outlets is apparently the third largest in the UK – the mind boggles at the thought of there being anything bigger – and I am so obviously not a constituent of its target audience that on the rare occasions that I have been obliged to visit the place doing so has felt like entering a foreign country. Considering the square footage of floor space therein it amazes me that there is so little of any utility on offer, this being apparently purely a pantheon to the superfluous.

The Apple temple is, of course, beautifully designed in a minimalist sort of way, in keeping with the devices celebrated therein – with white being the predominant colour (or lack thereof). The store was, naturally, packed with spellbound punters being eagerly serviced by a cloud (should that be an iCloud?) of blue-shirted Apple ants. Here was the iPad appreciation section – there the iPhone zone – to the left the racks of exquisite accessories… and up at the back – the Genius Bar!

Now – I am not a genius, but I did know exactly what I wanted. The problem was that the one thing I couldn’t see was a place to actually buy the things. There was no obvious counter – no checkout. Worst of all, there was no signage.  I wandered around looking lost, whilst the blue worker ants – having clearly marked me out as a troublemaker – carefully avoided catching my eye. Eventually I found a sparse wooden table, much like all the others in the store, but with a small wooden plaque on it which read ‘Purchases’. A bearded genius homed in on me, head throbbing with iKnowledge, eager to demonstrate the extent of his technical know-how. Was there something he could help me with?

“Yes”, I said, indicating the sign. “I would like to purchase something!”

It is – when all is said and done – just a shop…