Politesse

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

Fred Astaire

WARNING! – Grumpy old git whinge alert…

I am – of course – by no means the first upper-middle aged cosmopolite to cavil at the seemingly neoteric indifference to the desirability – nay, necessity – of good manners… and I am pretty dashed certain that I won’t be the last!

As the strapline above attests – however – I am not one of those who complains of a lack of politeness solely in the younger generation. Indeed I am in accord with the twinkle-toed hoofer in believing that if we want our progeny to behave appropriately we had jolly well better set them a decent example…

…which does seem to be beyond some of our number!

OK – I promise this brief post will not simply comprise an irritable catalog of perceived slights and causeless contumely. That really would take me into Mr Grumpy Pants territory (again)…

Instead, a slightly disconsolate appeal – made more in sadness than in anger – for at least some form of acknowledgement when I – or indeed anyone else – perform some little act of courtesy or politeness. How many times do we step aside for someone – hold a door ajar for someone – let someone out into traffic – smile a greeting at someone… only to be completely blanked in return! It is almost as though the person for whom this tiny act of kindness has been committed so resents the fact that it has been done that they can’t bring themselves even to look us in the face. Perhaps the subtext is that the man (or woman) who does something – anything – for his fellow is in some way demonstrated thereby to be weak… to be a ‘loser’!

Bizarre!

I have a distant memory of reading somewhere – many years ago – an article or book concerning the importance of human contact. Sadly I can no longer remember the title or provenance of this goodly tome, but the central tenet was – as I recall – that acknowledging others when we come into contact with them is the equivalent of giving – and getting – ‘strokes’, and that we need this affirmation – this contact – to build our self-esteem and to make us feel good about ourselves. If we acknowledge someone as we pass – even if only by a nod of the head – we give their ego a ‘stroke’… we effectively say “you are important enough in my world that I recognise your presence”.

Of course – if we do this and are blanked in return the opposite message is also heavily reinforced.

Now – it is one thing for our mere presence to go unacknowledged – quite another for any act of generosity – however minor – to be effectively thrown back in our faces.

Extremely unlikely as it may be, should you – dear reader – recognise in yourself even the possibility of being guilty of such behaviour – all I can say is – “get a grip!”.