annoyance

Herewith the long awaited third part of my pair of posts introducing the gentle reader – particularly those out-with Canada – to some of our more – er… extrovert local fauna!

In the last post I introduced you to the bullet-headed Northern Flicker and noted its love of drilling holes in things other than the trees (of which we have an abundance). Just this year – presumably in search of food; or just because they can – the Flickers have taken to drilling large holes (nearly 2″ diameter) in the end wall of my garden shed. I almost wondered if they were indulging in some lumberjack style-competition, so eager were they to turn the shed wall into Swiss cheese.

When they have drilled the holes they seem to lose interest in them – and indeed in what happens to them… and that’s where this little chap comes in. This is a Nuthatch. Nuthatches are also known for drilling holes in things, but they are equally keen to take over a hole that a bigger bird has apparently finished with.

What a cute little bird – I hear you exclaim…

Well – no… he isn’t! He is – if you will pardon my use of the vernacular – a chippy little gobshite! If he played rugby he would undoubtedly be a scrum half – and most likely a Welsh one!

On the Nuthatch Wikipedia offers this:

“The nuthatches constitute a genus, Sitta, of small passerine birds belonging to the family Sittidae. Characterised by large heads, short tails, and powerful bills and feet, nuthatches advertise their territory using loud, simple songs”.

‘Loud’ is they key word here. Now – the Nuthatch may only be about two and a half inches long but he ain’t afraid of no-body… and certainly not of me. Seeing him pulling the insulation out of a hole in the shed wall I remonstrated with the diminutive avian, waving my arms about and inviting him to get out whilst the going was good. Instead he gave me a mouthful back. When I climbed a ladder to see if he was actually building a nest in the hole he simply buzzed around my head uttering a string of what I took to be expletives. When I plugged the hole with something he scarcely waited for my feet to touch the ground before he was tearing it out again.

I was clearly going to have to take some action if I wanted my shed to remain intact. We are hoping to paint it this year but at this rate there won’t be much left to paint. As is my wont I turned to the InterWebNet for helpful guidance. There are many sites offering much advice as to how to deter woodpeckers and other such birds, but the most important of these is the site that advises that none of these methods will actually work in practice – and that the only thing that can be done is to cover the affected areas with bird netting, the which must be strung some three inches away from the surface in question so that the birds cannot reach it.

This takes a bit of work to rig up but I duly did it – all the while the nuthatch sitting a few feet above my head squawking loudly. As soon as I had finished the bird landed on the netting and tried to tear it apart. On discovering that this was not going to be possible the little creature turned a murderous gaze upon me and uttered the birdy equivalent of “WTF!“…

I would have a lot more sympathy with our feathered friends were it not that – the previous owners of the house having clearly been bird lovers – our garden contains within its bounds at least a dozen bird-houses. One of these was about a foot away from the hole that the nuthatch had determined upon.

A pre-owned home is obviously not good enough for these stroppy little birds…

In the first of these two posts concerning the less than sociable habits of some of our local wildlife (“Wild? I was livid!“) I introduced you to that furry little critter – the racoon. I was delighted that my post struck a chord in at least some quarters…

For this second part we take to the air. This brute is a woodpecker – specifically a Northern Flicker (or just ‘Flicker’). Should your first thought be “That doesn’t look like any woodpecker I’ve ever seen” – you would find me sympathetic. Me neither! These brutes seem not to be native to Europe – sticking to the Americas… and they are big buggers!

The photo shows a flicker nesting in a hole that it has made in a tree. Canada is not short of a tree or two and I see no harm in some of its bird-life using those facilities to create homes. Flickers – however – are not much impressed with the idea of having to spend their days bashing their heads against a serious hunk of lumber.

One thing that they do love to drum on is the aluminium cowling that keeps the weather out of one’s chimneys.

What?!

Woodpeckers supposedly attack trees for one of two reasons – to make nests or to find food in the form of grubs and larvae buried in the wood. Neither of these applies in the case of the chimney cowl. No – in this instance the annoying avian is trying to attract a mate! Apparently the birdy belief is that the more noise the creature can make the more it gives the appearance of being a good catch. (We are – as you might expect – discussing the male of the species here)!

So – this spring we have been unwitting hosts to one of these bruisers. Apparently the best time of day to drum up some female interest is very first thing in the morning. Having one’s chimney cowls drummed upon by a flicker results in a racket that reverberates around the house – and continues in bursts until the bird either finds a mate or gets bored… or until one hurries outside and shouts abuse at it!

Wikipedia provides some comfort by informing us that – once the breeding season is done – these birds should lose interest in one’s rooftop furniture. Looking out of my window the other day I noticed our flicker atop our garden shed, in the company of another – presumably female – flicker. As I watched our flicker jumped on the back of the female, did the deed and hopped off. The entire act took about a second and a half. I could see the look on the female’s face. It was a look which said:

“You make all that racket but where it matters that is the best you can do? Not impressed, mate!”

Now – where have I seen that look before?

So – in what is clearly now going to become part three of this two part post I will introduce you to a final creature. Bet you can’t wait!

Nature is a wonderful thing – a miracle of creation – a gift – an inspiration… and we all love and revere this fragile planet’s wonderful wildlife…

Should you doubt any of this for a moment all you need to do is to get onto the InterWebNet and try to find some inspirational quotation that has anything – and I mean absolutely anything – bad or negative to say about what lives out there in the the great outdoors. Good luck with that quest…

Now – you won’t catch me arguing against Mother Nature. I am – as can clearly be seen – outnumbered and outgunned. I do sometimes think, however, that the fortunate fauna get away with behaviour that would land us poor human saps in big trouble.

Take the cute little critter at the top of this post. He (or she) is a raccoon. Isn’t he adorable?

No – actually he is a little bastard! It is entirely fair enough that – when we are done with our foodstuffs and come to throw out any organic detritus such as peelings and scrapings – the furry little rodents might see that as an opportunity to get a bit of a free feed. I don’t mind that. I also don’t expect them to consume everything that we throw away, but why do they need to spread everything that they don’t want all over the sidewalk?

Our local municipality kindly provides us with a stout little green bin for such waste – with a lid that comes complete with a decently solid catch. That doesn’t deter the raccoons at all. They know how to open those suckers. I have taken to keeping our organic waste bin in the garage, where the raccoons cannot reach it, but our waste is collected early on a Monday morning and the bins must be placed at the end of our drive late on Sunday nights.

Raccoons know what day of the week it is! Dunno how – but they do…

I noticed that our neighbours – who clearly have way more experience in these matters than do I – have invested in some bungee ties to add a layer of protection to the existing bin catches. “Good idea” – thought I and The Girl duly sourced a tube of assorted bungees when next out and about (Canadian expression!).

Tying your bin lid down with bungee ties just annoys the heck out of the raccoons. They managed to get the bungees off and open the catch, but it entailed them kicking the can some fifty yards up the road to do it. Being vindictive little so and so’s they got their own back by spreading the organic waste over an even wider area than usual.

Sorry to have put you out – guys!

Now – annoying as these pesky little varmints are they are far from being the only wildlife that takes something of a frontier approach to living in the same (admittedly huge) space as do we. In a way this is quite a Canadian attitude anyway – so it is at least appropriate.

In the second part of this post I will introduce you to some other charming creatures…